Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Self Discipline? Does it taste Good?

So, I have finally admitted it to myself: I am the master of no self-discipline. Seriously, I really don't have it. I am pretty good at getting myself to want to do things...sometimes. But if I just flat out don't want to do it? Good luck. No, seriously, good luck. You'll need it. You see, avoiding things I don't want to do is one of my specialties. I spend a great deal of energy and creativity avoiding things I don't like. Much more than it would take to actually just knuckle down and do it, in fact.

Part of me takes a certain amount of pride in that fact. That I can so masterfully avoid unpleasantness. The problem comes when I want a certain result, but the only way to attain it is unpleasant. Case in point: my weight. Until two years ago this really wasn't a problem. I could eat whatever I wanted, not really exercise, and be perfectly slim and healthy. Part of that was because whatever I wanted consisted of whatever my parents made. But, unfortunately college hit--suddenly there was no-one to do my discipline for me, and my metabolism slowed down. Double-suck. You see, my parents ran my life just as much when I was a senior in highschool as they did when I was five. They controlled what I ate, when I went out, and what extra-curricular activities I participated in. They weren't met with much resistance either--I learned very quickly that it would land me in a world of serious hurt. As such the part of me that should have developed into self-discipline developed into ways to get around my parent's discipline.

I realize that's not an excuse. No really, I fully accept that I have a miserably weak will and its all my fault. But that really doesn't help me develop a backbone and try to lose weight. We have a free gym in my apartment complex. I tried to make a commitment to go once a day for an hour. I asked the guy to come with me--not only would it keep me going, it would help him lose weight too. The pussy couldn't make it past 25 minutes...while I would stay for the full hour. That wasn't exactly conducive to my commitment. Not only is it that I don't exercise, I've also developed a miserable diet. Since I have the ability to make my own money, I also have the ability to spend it as I wish--which means going out to eat. A lot. At home we never did that except at most 3 times a year. Blame the boy--I didn't even go out once I got to college until I hooked up with him. Now its so convenient I can't seem to stop. And I don't know how to cook. I don't know about you, but I get a little tired of spaghettios sometimes. And 'banquet' dinners.

It really doesn't help that I have the most defunct tastebuds in existence. Muffins, sweet? You must be joking. I mean, I can kind of taste it...but it gets overwhelmed by the sourness of the blueberries. Sorry. The vegetables I will eat are carrots, broccoli, and corn (I know corn isn't a vegetable!!!!). I HATE lettuce. And peas. And tomatoes. I'm a little better in the fruit area. I even like that extremely sour/tangy thing known as a mango. Lets sum up my taste like this: sparse sweet receptors. Over abundant bitter receptors. Average salty/sour receptors. Its a BITCH.

*sigh* Speaking of bitch, this has degenerated into one big whine-fest. My apologies. I was kind of desperate to write something as I feel I've been rather neglectfull, and this was on my mind. I didn't intend for it to come out like this. So, sum-up: No self-discipline + hating working out + defunct tastebuds = overweight! And not happy about it. And wanting to be able to fit my own clothes. And frustrated that my job is sitting at a desk all day. Gah!!


  1. I struggled with a lot of the same issues when I moved out, got married and went to college. Money was tight, time was tighter, my jeans were even tighter. lol I didn't know how to cook, often there wasn't time and I was too tired to anyway. I had been physically active thru high school, but lost the drive to work out. So as my metabolism tanked from not being a teen anymore and too much inactivity, I started to really pack it on and that took its toll on my frame of mind.

    I can really identify with what you must be feeling. It took me until I realized I was lookin down the barrel at thirty coming up really fast before I found the will/motivation to change things. I didn't want to turn 30 with a lot of the bad habits I had in my 20's. I don't know really what switch got flipped, but it did. And you know, if *I* can do it, I truly believe anyone can because I was the queen of I can't for so so long. I didn't know how, I didn't have the skills, etc. etc.

    I guess the point of this long ramble of a reply is - when you're really ready and you wan to - when the time is right - you'll get it worked out. You'll learn what you need to do to take care of you and you'll do it.

  2. Lyon said it perfectly!

    Just an addition though - about the gym... Weights are great, the gym is great, but if you don't like it, you won't go - unless you are one of those rare people with an iron hard will.

    Pick an activity you LIKE. Yoga, pilates, bellydancing, boxing, martial arts, swimming. Then you will want to go to class/workout each week and not hate yourself for skipping the gym again! You may not burn as many calories with something like yoga, but you'll stick with it.

    Enjoy yourself!


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