So, I have finally admitted it to myself: I am the master of no self-discipline. Seriously, I really don't have it. I am pretty good at getting myself to
want to do things...sometimes. But if I just flat out don't want to do it? Good luck. No, seriously, good luck. You'll need it. You see, avoiding things I don't want to do is one of my specialties. I spend a great deal of energy and creativity avoiding things I don't like. Much more than it would take to actually just knuckle down and do it, in fact.
Part of me takes a certain amount of pride in that fact. That I can so masterfully avoid unpleasantness. The problem comes when I want a certain result, but the only way to attain it is unpleasant. Case in point: my weight. Until two years ago this really wasn't a problem. I could eat whatever I wanted, not really exercise, and be perfectly slim and healthy. Part of that was because whatever I wanted consisted of whatever my parents made. But, unfortunately college hit--suddenly there was no-one to do my discipline for me, and my metabolism slowed down. Double-suck. You see, my parents ran my life just as much when I was a senior in highschool as they did when I was five. They controlled what I ate, when I went out, and what extra-curricular activities I participated in. They weren't met with much resistance either--I learned very quickly that it would land me in a world of serious hurt. As such the part of me that
should have developed into self-discipline developed into ways to get around my parent's discipline.
I realize that's not an excuse. No really, I fully accept that I have a miserably weak will and its all my fault. But that really doesn't help me develop a backbone and try to lose weight. We have a free gym in my apartment complex. I tried to make a commitment to go once a day for an hour. I asked the guy to come with me--not only would it keep me going, it would help him lose weight too. The pussy couldn't make it past 25 minutes...while I would stay for the full hour. That wasn't exactly conducive to my commitment. Not only is it that I don't exercise, I've also developed a miserable diet. Since I have the ability to make my own money, I also have the ability to spend it as I wish--which means going out to eat. A lot. At home we
never did that except at most 3 times a year. Blame the boy--I didn't even go out once I got to college until I hooked up with him. Now its so convenient I can't seem to stop. And I don't know how to cook. I don't know about you, but I get a little tired of spaghettios sometimes. And 'banquet' dinners.
It really doesn't help that I have the most defunct tastebuds in existence. Muffins, sweet? You must be joking. I mean, I can
kind of taste it...but it gets overwhelmed by the sourness of the blueberries. Sorry. The vegetables I will eat are carrots, broccoli, and corn (I know corn isn't a vegetable!!!!). I HATE lettuce. And peas. And tomatoes. I'm a little better in the fruit area. I even like that extremely sour/tangy thing known as a mango. Lets sum up my taste like this: sparse sweet receptors. Over abundant bitter receptors. Average salty/sour receptors. Its a BITCH.
*sigh* Speaking of bitch, this has degenerated into one big whine-fest. My apologies. I was kind of desperate to write something as I feel I've been rather neglectfull, and this was on my mind. I didn't intend for it to come out like this. So, sum-up: No self-discipline + hating working out + defunct tastebuds = overweight! And not happy about it. And wanting to be able to fit my own clothes. And frustrated that my job is sitting at a desk all day. Gah!!
